User blog:JoeyTheN64Guy/Overreaction
Keep in mind this is long as butts, but it should explain some things. UPDATE: Damn, I must've been extremely sleepy when I wrote this, but the premise stays the same. Keep in mind I'm NOT trying to prove myself or anyone else "right/wrong" in this explanation, the main goal was to explain how I was thinking and feeling at the time. Today's been a great day, because I found a physical and psychological solution to keeping this stuff from happening. One of the best I found was deep breathing. Calms me down instantaneously. I've noticed I'm not the same Joe I was last year, I've become grumpy and more aggressive (leading to saltiness). I'm going to change that. ---- Okay. I'm not sleeping tonight, that's for sure. You know, laying in bed for 5-6 hours thinking about one single thing can really change a man. 2 Exams tomorrow? Oh well. Apparently my mind has other priorities. (I'll try to use this time to study and prep, don't worry...) Clearly I have a problem that upsets people. I overreact. I feel like I have good reason to, and at the time, the stress levels and adrenaline rises so much to the point that I blow it all out of proportion. The issue this time that I would like to point out is that Alex (even after all of our high school years) likes to push me to that boiling point. I know it was for all jokes, and it wasn't his intention, but I took it to heart and compared it to other things which I'll get into later. I'll rewind to my Elementary school days. Yes, I was bullied... A lot. I don't like bringing it up because it can bring back some disturbing and saddening memories. This include physical and extreme amounts of verbal abuse (specifically towards my appearance, personality, etc.) With all that said, I take bullying VERY seriously. And yes, this includes even small jokes/remarks. What does that have to do with the situation? Well, I felt like I was pushed around. Everyone was laughing at me (welp, there's a bad bullying memory right there), and to me, it didn't feel like it was supposed to be a light joke. I actually felt shunned, and worse, it continued after I clearly told everyone it was getting old/unfunny. My reaction was a kick, he said the joke again, then a ban. Followed by everyone yelling a "ALEX NOOOO", making me appear like the bad guy/monster. This furthered my thoughts, considering in the midst of the jokes, I felt like no one payed too much attention to me. Bring two and two together and boom. Instant mindset. Mixed in with my lover and him doing the nips thing and saying goodnight to each other, while I sat there ashamed. Alex > Joey. So, I lashed out a disrespectful remark. Does it seem like an overreaction now with all of this explanation? After much thought... Yes. It was still the wrong thing to do, and now I lay in bed with the consequence. So what makes me overreact the way I do? Well, I simply don't like to be pushed around or humiliated. And I get jealous VERY easily. Throw together the whole bullying scenario and my passion for justice and boosh, immediate action despite the severity of the result. I also think of it as a defense mechanism. If someone hurts me, I can take the heat depending on the level... but if someone makes one single rude comment towards my love interest, you're going to have a baaaad time. xD As I always say, I overreact because I care. It's true. Jealousy and defending others does mean I want the best for us as a whole. Thing is... is it hurting my relationship with the girl of my dreams? It absolutely is, despite the reason for it. So... I'm thinking about making a positive change in myself. I'll do my best to not overreact to problems, despite my beliefs. Someone makes a rude comment? I'll ignore that shit. Tensions are rising and I'm running out of solutions? Well, there's a girl right by me to help when I need it, so I'll ask for advice/other perspectives on the matter instead of blowing up. I need to improve on me for the sake of not only the well being of my partner, but the well being of... Well, me. We aren't perfect. That's as factual as ever. But that doesn't mean we can't improve to become better people. I truly do need to work of myself so that I can bring the joy in my Sheepy companion as she does for me, always. I love you, Sheep. It's a jungle aout deyur. Category:Blog posts